Scripture Memory: Forgiveness from God.
VERSE : 1 John 2:1 "My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous."

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O Worship the LORD in the Beauty of Holiness

4 February 2007
8.00 am Worship Service:
Quek Keng Khwang (Our Advocate With The Father)
10.45 am Worship Service:
Rev Colin Wong (Coming To The Throne Of Grace), Lord's Supper
6:00 pm Rehoboth Evening Service:
Mark Chen (Bad Seeds Do Produce Fine Vintages)

11 February 2007
8.00 am Worship Service:
Rev Colin Wong (Prayer and Thanksgiving), Lord's Supper
10.45 am Worship Service:
Quek Keng Khwang (Our Advocate With The Father)
6:00 pm Rehoboth Evening Service:
Mark Chen (Labouring in the Gospel Vineyard)

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"Can my marriage be saved?" This is the heartrending question most couples ask when they come to see their pastor about marital problems. On the other hand, hurt and disillusioned couples sometimes come to their pastor with the opposite question: Can I get out of this marriage? I must say that it is not always easy to give a clear-cut answer to every situation. There is no pat answer to every marital problem. Therefore, it is advisable not to give a quick answer to couples coming to see you for counseling. Every marital situation is different and therefore, it must be carefully and prayerfully thought through before advice is given. If there is no immediate solution to the problem, what you could do is to offer a prayer for them and then fix another appointment with them for further counseling. In this way, you will have some time to mull over the matter.

Let me share with you two common examples pastors face in counseling dysfunctional married couples. Case 1. I am currently having marital problems. I am 35 and my wife is 30. God blessed us with two beautiful girls aged 5 and 7. The day before Father’s Day, my wife told me that she is no longer in love with me. She has been feeling this way for some time but has never revealed her true feelings to me until now. To her, our marriage is over and there is no chance for recovery. She is determined to find her "happiness’ somewhere else. All this time I thought I was providing her with all the happiness she wanted – emotionally, sexually, mentally, spiritually and physically. I don’t drink, smoke, gamble or womanize. I am not abusive to her or the children. But for some reason, I am not worth a second chance.

She wants to continue to stay in the house until we can financially afford to separate. But I am living an emotional roller coaster. I never thought she would stop loving me. What can I do to save my marriage when she is so determined to be by herself. She tells me she wants to find her happiness with herself. What can I do? Any advice for what seems to be a hopeless case? I will always love her and do not want to lose her.

What advice would you give to help him salvage his marriage?

Some time ago, a concerned sister told me, "Pastor, do you know that many sisters in our church are suffering silently?" I did not answer her but I know what she said is true. Case 2. A middle-aged couple came to see the pastor. The husband initiated the visit. He told the pastor that he was anxious to save his marriage, while his wife showed no interest. They were sophisticated, upper middle-class people. He was a strong-willed, successful businessman, used to having his own way. His wife sat through the interview in reserved silence while he did all the talking.

He told the pastor how he had not always been the best of husbands; he had had his flings and made a few mistakes. But now he had been reformed. When she informed him that she was no longer putting up with his behavior, he suddenly realized that at their stage in life, a divorce would be very costly for him. He was now sure he wanted to keep his family intact – after all, they had been married for nearly 30 years.

For more than half an hour he dominated the conversation, giving her no opportunity to speak nor asking for her comments. Finally, the pastor said to her, "What’s your side of the story?"

Tears filled her eyes as she told brokenly of years of lies, insults and infidelity. Her husband looked increasingly more uncomfortable as she told the pastor that even up to that moment, not much had changed. There was no sorrow or regret on his part, simply an arrogant magnanimity extended to her in that he was no longer going to see other women. All he wanted was for the pastor to convince her to stay. After all, isn’t that the teaching of the Bible?

What advice would you give to her if her dominating husband refuses to repent from manipulating her?

Can a marriage dilemma like the above-mentioned be saved? I believe so. There is always hope in every broken marriage relationship. However, the most important question must be asked: "Does the couple really want each other?" This is really the bottom line. A broken marriage relationship can only be saved if the couple is willing to face certain issues squarely and truthfully. How can a marriage be saved if there is no sincere confession, wholehearted repentance and total commitment to each other? (Revelation 2:5; James 5:16)

Marriage breakdown is fast becoming prevalent in Singapore. The Church of Jesus Christ must do all it can to stem the tide of marriage breakdown that is flooding our society. However, the fact is that much as the church opposes divorce, it still happens. Does it mean the church has no more responsibility to address the issue? God forbid!

I believe the root cause of a marriage breakdown is defying God and His clear teaching in His Word. The only way to salvage it is to confess, repent and commit each other in the bond of love according to the teaching of God’s Word.

Marriage is a divine institution. God himself initiated it in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:18, 21-24). Marriage is intended for two people – male and female (Hebrews 13:4). The couple is no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate (Matthew 19:6).

There are numerous causes to a marriage breakdown. The following are some of the common causes:

1. Immature Marriage. A growing cause of marital problem is immature marriage. This is a marriage in which one or both spouses don’t understand or aren’t yet ready to take on the obligations and responsibilities of a married life.

2. Parental Conflicts. Due to some unexplained reasons, one or both parties can’t cut the "umbilical cord" to their parents.

3. Sexual Problems. Men are more into the physical aspects of sex while women want both an emotional and physical bond. Problems arise when one or both parties are unwilling to meet the natural needs of their spouse.

4. Financial Problems. The lack of money or the mismanagement of money can harm a marriage relationship. Sometimes, a spouse from an affluent background finds it hard to cope with a lower standard of living.

5. Communication Problems. Scientific studies have shown that on the average, women use 7000 words a day while men speak only 2000. The reason is that a man’s brain is not "wired" with the verbal skills built into the female brain.

6. Lack of Respect. Women want to feel desired. Men want to be admired. Respect means treating your spouse better than anyone else (Romans 12:10).

7. Unforgiving spirit. Forgiveness brings hope to a broken relationship. Without forgiveness, a marriage cannot be established (Ephesians 4:26, 31, 32; Colossians 3:12, 13).

As I mentioned above, there is no pat answer to marital problems. However, here is a couple of advice:

1. Remember what God says in Malachi 2:16 - He hates divorce. Divorce is NOT an option (1 Corinthians 7:12-15). Marriage is for life – "Till death us do part" (Matthew 19:6).

2. Do not spend too much time finding faults with your spouse. Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Wives should respect their husbands as the head, even if they are not fulfilling their roles as husbands well (Ephesians 5:22-33).

3. Stop bickering and shouting at each other (Proverbs 12:18, 25).

4. Focus on meeting each other’s needs (Philippians 2:4).

5. Pray for each other’s needs.

6. Read the Bible together.

7. Spend time together in a park or on a vacation.

My dear Lifer, do not ever imagine that Christian couples have no marital problems. There are silent sufferers everywhere. We must support them and uphold them in fervent prayer. Is there anyone suffering quietly out there? Please come and seek pastoral help. We care (1 Corinthians 12:25). —CW

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Sunday, 18 Feb 07 at 9:30 am

Speaker: Rev Charles Seet

There will be no Fellowship Lunch, no Sunday School and no Catechism Class.