The best friend we can ever have in this life is the Lord Jesus Christ (John 15:13-15). There can be no better friend for us than the One who was willing to lay down His life for His friends. And yet we still need human companions, just like Adam in his unfallen state still needed Eve as his companion and helpmeet although he enjoyed close fellowship with God in the Garden of Eden. Man is a gregarious creature – he needs friends.

As Christians, we naturally seek to have Christian friends. And since we meet other Christians at Sunday worship, the church becomes our best source for such friends. The WARM programme is a great help for this, and we should therefore participate well in it. Let us make every effort to know someone new in church every week!

To do this well we must know how to make friends and maintain friendships. A good friendship can be destroyed through misunderstandings, quarrels or plain neglect, and broken friendships are extremely difficult to mend. We must also be realistic about the benefits we expect out of friendship, or else we may end up being disappointed. A book that provides valuable wisdom on handling friendships is Proverbs. Let us see what it says on:

1. Be Warm and Friendly to Him. Proverbs 18:24 – "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Matthew Henry comments: "Would we have friends and keep them, we must not only not affront them, or quarrel with them, but we must love them, and make it appear that we do so by all expressions that are endearing, by being free with them, pleasing to them, visiting them and bidding them welcome, and especially by doing all the good offices we can and serving them in every thing that lies in our power; that is showing ourselves friendly."

Think not of what you can gain out of a friendship, but of what you can give to it. The most important thing you need to give is your trust. This is the mutual bond that binds close friends together. It causes a friend to stick closer than a brother, as the proverb says. We think of David’s friendship with Jonathan and how they were able to trust one another despite the fact that Jonathan was the son of David’s enemy, Saul (1 Samuel 18:1-3; 20:8-17). At no time did Jonathan think that David was using him to stop Saul from pursuing him. Never did David ever think that Jonathan would divulge his whereabouts to his father. Such confidence and trust is the essence of true Christian friendship.

2. Win His Confidence and Trust. Proverbs 11:13 – "A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter." The talebearer or gossip goes from one to another and speaks disparagingly about someone. He cannot wait to reveal secrets that should be kept in confidence. Such a person will find it very hard to make any friends because no one will trust him. Those who do so will find their trust betrayed. To make friends ensure that you are someone that people can take into confidence. Never betray the trust of your friends.

Another related proverb is Proverbs 25:19 – "Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint." Notice that the emphasis here is on the words, ‘in time of trouble.’ This leads us to the next point…

3. Be Committed to Your Friendship with Him. You must be committed enough to love him through thick and thin, in good times as well as bad. Proverbs 17:17 – "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." The two parts of this verse are parallel; i.e., the friend and the brother are equated. A friend’s love is present at all times, even in times of adversity when it might be severely tested.

Proverbs 27:10 – "Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off." A friend who is available can be of more help than a relative who is far away. This works only if he is not a fair weather friend – one who will be a friend only when it costs nothing to be one. We must be ‘foul weather friends’ as well. The Good Samaritan who showed mercy to the injured Israelite was a better friend to him than the Israelite’s own countrymen!

Friendships often take a rough beating from external and internal factors. The challenge is to prevent anything from eroding the good friendship that has been carefully built up.

1. Be Forbearing. Proverbs 17:9 – "He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends." Do not set impossible expectations for your Christian friends. They are not perfect people but sinners saved by grace who are still undergoing their process of sanctification. Maintaining friendship requires the ability to forgive and forget. Harping on the past (i.e. repeating a matter) has destroyed many friendships. The true friend buries the wrong done and will not bring it up again.

Our Lord Jesus forgave Peter for denying Him three times. Before ascending to heaven He asked Peter thrice, "Do you love Me more than these?" When Peter confessed his sincere love for Christ, he was reinstated into service and was told, "Feed my sheep." (John 21:15-17). Never was the matter of Peter’s denials ever brought up again! While we are to be forbearing toward our friends, we must also ensure that we are not overbearing toward them…

2. Do Not Impose Unnecessarily. Proverbs 25:17 – "Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee." Do not wear out your welcome with visits that are too frequent. Know your limits and be considerate even to your closest friend. If you think that he will not mind your calling upon him any time you like and that he is always ready to drop everything at a moment’s notice and give you his full attention, then you have become inconsiderate and overbearing. Even though your closest friend may like to be with you and help you, he does have his own life to lead and his own things to do.

Show that you are concerned for his convenience and comfort by giving him a call before a visit to ensure that it is convenient for you to come. And if he is busy doing something when you call, ask whether you should call back later. Untimely blessings will not be appreciated: Proverbs 27:14 – "He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him."

1. Correction. Proverbs 27:6 – "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Others may not tell you certain things because they do not want to offend you. But a true friend will gently rebuke you out of love because he cannot bear to see you destroying yourself with your faults.

2. Counsel. Proverbs 27:9 – "Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel." Advice from a friend is pleasant. The emblem used here is the pleasant fragrance that ointment and perfume bring to people, and the point made is the value of wise counsel received from a close friend.

3. Character Development. Proverbs 27:17 – "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend" The word ‘countenance’ denotes one’s character. God can use good Christian friends to mould your character and train you to become a useful instrument in His hands. Warm friendships developed out of the master-disciple relationships of Elijah with Elisha and of Paul with Timothy. What wonderful results they brought forth!

Dear Reader, may you be motivated to begin cultivating good Christian friendships, especially with fellow worshippers. Get to know your spiritual peers and let them get to know you better. Read the account below of how 7 Lifers did this successfully during a trip to the Mersing resort last month to prepare for a group of visitors to come and view it. Look out for opportunities to experience such blessed fellowship and teamwork! —CS

On Tuesday, 10 October at 2.30 pm, 7 Lifers assembled in church. After Elder Sng led the group in prayer seeking God’s blessings for journeying mercies and guidance for the task ahead, we set forth for Mersing in one MPV. Other than Elder Sng, there were Mrs Sng, Dn John Ching, Dn Victor Loo, Dn Lee Heok Seng, Dn Woon Sin Wei and Lee Fong Seng. In spite of the diverse differences in age and background and indeed personality, the group enjoyed good fellowship and bonding time in the car and at the RLB – all to the glory of God.

How did God bless the group? We believe this was what Pastor Colin Wong spoke about in Nehemiah 3 at the 8 am service on 15 Oct. The 7 lifers went on this simple trip spontaneously with a cheerful spirit trusting our Lord to guide us. Each one went on his/her task casually without imposing on the others but yet there was coordination. This was due to the openness and willingness to ask and share what was needed to be done. There was cooperation and teamwork and no necessity to instruct or assign tasks. There did not seem to be an "operations leader" and yet there was coordination of work with each one putting aside age, position and status. As Colossians 3:23 says – "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men".

We discussed how we should prepare mentally and logistically to meet our guests. This was followed by a prayer meeting to commit the activities to the Lord. How should we think through and consider what to expect from our visitors? We sought our Lord‘s blessings and guidance on every item including providing good weather during the visit. All 7 members prayed and called for God’s wisdom and guidance. The next morning we went around tidying up the rooms and laying out chairs for the meeting, with the younger members expressing care and concern by reminding the older ones to be careful when carrying heavy loads. Everything was in place by the time the visitors arrived. We thank God that He provided the right ambiance for them, making them comfortable during the tour and being receptive especially to the response to their queries. The rain came only after the visitors completed their tour of the beach. All thanks and praises be to God.

We are thankful for learning from each other. From Elder and Mrs Sng we saw the demonstration of servant leadership. How they served behind the scenes, the care they had for the resort managers (Mr & Mrs Raymond Tan) and their thoughtfulness in ensuring that the material needs of the group were met.

We are grateful for God’s provision of much time during the car ride and at the resort for us to share on the church’s issues, problems and difficulty in making decisions. There was concern about the low attendance at Tuesday prayer meetings. What should be done to convince more brethren to come to pray collectively for our Church and her activities?

We appreciated the frank and sincere manner that sentiments were aired by everyone. Most significant was the absence of frustration and negative emotions in all the sharing. There was a genuine desire to see how best, in the long term, Life BP Church may grow spiritually and receive blessings from God. Is there a lack of long term vision and mission? One comment was the need for decisions to be made relying less on human wisdom and ability to manage and control but more on faith and trust in the Lord to provide. "And so were the churches established in the faith, and increased in number daily." – Acts 16:5. We all know that the way to strengthen a muscle is to exercise it. The more you work on it and depend on it, the stronger it becomes. So is faith in the Lord.

We felt, on the first night in Mersing, a great sense of the Lord’s leading in managing the Mersing Resort issue. Our spirit was uplifted. We are grateful to God for providing the commitment to the team to focus on this simple project, for the leadership and the preparedness of everyone to accept what was to be done and most of all a willing spirit to give according to ability. – "For we are labourers together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building." – 1 Cor. 3:9.