God My Deliverer, My Friend
by Edmund Choo

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7

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I had gone for a routine check with the Ear Nose & Throat specialist a year and half ago for my tinnitus, ringing in the ear which I attribute to exposure to gunfire and noise due to combat training during NS. The doctor did a scope of the nose and said that there is a bump in the nasopharynx, and advised me to have a biopsy done to check, which I did. I thought nothing of it until my doctor called me at my office and told me grimly that the biopsy was positive for nasopharyngeal cancer. Wham! Nothing prepared me for this. I was in a phase of self-denial: I am fit and strong, with absolutely no symptoms whatsoever. Doctor, are you sure? My world was spinning. How am I to tell my wife, how am I to tell my parents, what would become of me? Is this the end? Why me, God? Why?  

My mind was clouded with fear. My wife said that she understood what I was going through (she loves me), but truly no one would or could understand. No one can go into the radiation chamber with me. Only Jesus can. I hyperventilated the first time the therapists put on the very tight mask to secure my head during the radiotherapy session. I could not breathe. On top of that, my nose was blocked due to flu. Lord, help me! I prayed earnestly that the Lord will hold my hand, and He gave me peace against a roaring tide of fear, a calmness that no one else could give me, as I lay head strapped to the machine. I had to go through 33 sessions. Each time I know that my Lord is with me. I had the peace that passes all understanding. The assurance of His presence dispelled all my fears. 

Just 2 weeks after the start of the radiotherapy sessions, the mouth ulcers appeared. Inch-long ulcers at the back of the throat, ulcers the size of a 10-cent coin on the cheek. Ulcers on the tongue. Drinking brings tears to my eyes. Eating is akin to swallowing glass shards. Everything tasted salty, even my own saliva. My mom’s cooking smelt strange. I had no desire to eat. Food loses its appeal when pain overwhelms the mind with each bite. Doctor gave me Panadol dissolved in water to alleviate the pain. It made little difference. I was still eating in tears. Doctor prescribed Tramadol, a stronger painkiller, but I need to take another medication afterwards to counter the side effect which is constipation. The first Tramadol pill I took made me so nauseous that I went to bed without dinner. My weight was plummeting. I went back to Doctor and he said to continue with Tramadol but he would prescribe anti-nausea medication to counter the arising nausea. Back home, I just could not stomach the Tramadol pill. Memory of the extreme nausea the last time prevented me. I prayed in tears, “Lord, I can’t take the pain anymore. Lord, save me!” 

There is a verse in the Bible - “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” 1 Corinthians 10:13. I testify today that the scripture is true. The Lord took away the pain for the next 4 weeks. This is a miracle, considering that the ulcers were not any smaller than the day before. My weight loss was now more controlled because I was able to consume food without the extreme pain. (At the lowest point I lost 14kg, which would have been a lot more if the pain had not subsided for the 4 weeks.) The Lord is merciful and will hear when we implore Him. 

Many Christian brethren came to visit me throughout the entire duration of my treatment and recuperation. These were as angels sent by God to alleviate my agony. I remember Preacher Keng Khwang buying pork porridge for me when I was in a lot pain. Our conversation over lunch took my mind off the pain and I was able to finish the whole bowl when my typical intake then was one-fifth that. I am grateful to the many who took the time to visit me, or SMS me: Rev & Mrs Wong, Elder Khoo, Sis Mei Zhu, Paul & Daniel, Cheow Hock, Pr Calvin, Dn Roger, Choir members, Women’s Fellowship, Solomon & Juliana and many others. Their words of encouragement were a great comfort to me. The assurances of their prayers lifted my spirits. I pray that God will bless each one of them for their good heart. 

The pain came back on my birthday. I think it was to remind me that it was God who held it back for the 4 weeks. From then, I continued to struggle to keep my weight up. I looked at myself in the mirror at times and saw a bag of bones, emaciated and worn. Nonetheless, in spite of all the suffering I knew with a certainty that God has preserved my life. I just knew. It was the peace of God that passes all understanding. 

After 33 sessions of radiotherapy, I had to undergo one session of brachytherapy. After the session, my nose and ears were blocked for weeks. This was the lowest period of my life. However, this episode has taught me many things: that the Friend that sticketh closer than a brother, Jesus, will be with me all the way. He alone understood my pain and He alone can save me. Today I stand here in testimony of His goodness. Half a year ago, my nose and ears were so blocked and my mouth so dry (because the radiation knocks out the salivary glands) that I told my wife that the radiation therapy has robbed me of my singing voice. Today I can sing an entire hymn before I reach for my water. Half a year ago, everything I ate tasted bland and I felt despondent then because one of the joys of living is eating. Today I can tell you that my favourite salmon sashimi tastes superb. All this is possible only by the grace and mercy of God who has redeemed my soul from death and restored more than just my health. I came to a realization that God has given me many many blessings which I have taken for granted, simple things:- being able to carry my son, being able to breathe, being able to hear properly, being able to smell, being able to taste, being able sing and many more.                       

I hope to encourage you, brethren, by sharing with you my story, that nothing is impossible with God, God who is the Great Physician can heal you, and God who is our Friend can understand and share your pain, your sorrow and suffering when no one else can. Only put your faith and trust in the Lord and He will see you through. Put your trust not in horses or chariots, but put your trust in Jesus. As the song goes, ‘He’s able!’ – More than able to carry us through.  

Written by Edmund Choo

08 Aug 06