A few days ago, in his Chinese New Year message, our Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong reflected on his concerns about the erosion of family values and made a heartfelt plea to Singaporeans to have more children. As families gathered for Chinese New Year, he said that what matters most are close ties, good morals and cherished values. He went on to say that "Strong and stable families make for a strong and cohesive society. Many of the ills in Western societies are linked to the weakening of family ties."

Our Prime Minister has many concerns. He said, "Being an open society, traditional values here are increasingly challenged by those from both the West and Asian societies like China, Hong Kong, Japan and Taiwan as well. Children here have easy access to popular culture and ‘watch Hollywood films, and listen to K-pop and J-pop’ and the result is that traditional values have waned. In young minds, movie stars and pop singers with flamboyant lifestyles have displaced legendary folk heroes whose lives exemplify the virtues of filial piety and loyalty."

Yes, Singapore has to keep pace with developments in the world of ideas and learn from the West, but she should not discard her traditions and values that make her a strong, close-knit community. Values like hard work, thrift, respect for elders and placing the community before self are the underpinnings of Singapore. Wishing all Singaporeans a Happy Chinese New Year, he added: "Let us prepare for the unexpected by strengthening our family ties and traditional values."

There is an old Chinese proverb that says, "One generation plants the trees and another gets the shade." Our generation lives in the shade of many trees that were planted by our ancestors.

Similarly, in spiritual terms, we derive shade from our parents’ and grandparents’ ethical standards, their perceptions of right and wrong, their sense of moral duty, and above all, their spiritual commitment (if they ever have one). Their ideas determined the kind of civilization we inherited from them, and our generation’s ideas will likewise shape tomorrow’s culture for our children.

There is no question that society as a whole is in a serious state of moral and spiritual decline. We are living in the "Y" Generation. Our culture as a whole is rapidly disintegrating morally, ethically and above all, spiritually. The values now embraced by society as a whole are antagonistic to God’s divine order. Where is our culture going? What kind of value system, what kind of morality, what kind of world are we establishing for the next generation? So the question that faces Christian parents today is whether we can plant some good trees that will shade future generations or leave our children under the influence of anti-Christian values in an anti-Christian world.

Is it too late to save the family? I am glad that for some years now the Ministry of Community Development and Sports (MCDS) has been expressing concern about the number of families that are breaking up and the inevitable negative effect this has on society. The Ministry expresses fears about the rise of divorces, crimes committed by young people, relaxed moral standards and other liberalizing social influences that have already resulted in the demise of many families.

There are certain principles to maintain a healthy marriage relationship and build a godly family. However, this can only be done if the couple is willing to make effort to first cultivate their own relationship with God.

Every Christian couple desires to have a healthy marriage and a godly family. Having a desire is one thing; to see one’s desire fulfilled is another thing. It takes effort, much effort, to build a healthy marriage and a godly family.

The first thing we need to look into is OUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. A growing personal relationship with God is the foundation for all other relationships. The closer each partner moves toward God the closer he is to the other. Closeness brings into focus the other person. Therefore, each partner is responsible for his or her own spirituality before he or she can draw closer to God and to each other. He or she cannot rely on his or her partner’s spirituality. Both cannot rely on each other to survive spiritually. Both are responsible for their own spirituality.

Paul, in his farewell message to the Ephesian elders, said, "Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood" (Acts 20:28). The teaching here is that leaders need to take care of their own spirituality before they can feed God’s flock. If we want to build strong relationships and godly families, we must first guard our own spirituality.

If you find your partner incompatible, then help her to develop her spirituality. Let us encourage our partner to stay close to God so that we can stay close to each other.

The second thing is SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY. Is there such a thing as spiritual compatibility? When you were praying for a life partner, did you ask God to give you a spiritual partner? Or did you just look for the outward appearance only? We do not just look for physical and mental compatibility but also spiritual compatibility. Spiritual compatibility is important. Without it, there is no spiritual togetherness.

One of the ways to check a couple’s spiritual compatibility is their prayer life. Praying together is the most stabilizing factor in marriage. "Pray together-stay together" is not an empty bumper sticker slogan. We all know it. But how often Christian couples really pray together? If you have a problem praying together with your partner, you may have a problem of spiritual incompatibility (Of course, sin is a hindrance to praying together). You need to help your partner to raise her level of spirituality.

When there is spiritual togetherness, couples are able to make statements like: We share the same value system" or "We have a sense of peace knowing we’re heading through life in the same direction." Therefore, spiritual compatibility is essential to a healthy marriage.

The third thing is SPIRITUAL LIKEMINDEDNESS. Couples that do not see eye to eye will experience disharmony and unpleasantness. Paul urged the Philippians to be likeminded. Why? The reason is disunity does not honor and glorify God. However, how can we achieve spiritual oneness? The answer is by having the same love, being of one accord and of one mind. Again, how can we have the same love, one accord and one mind? The answer is found in Philippians 2:5. Like Paul, Timothy and Epaphroditus, we are told to pattern after Christ’s way of life (1:22-26; 2:19-30). Another example of spiritual likemindedness is the early church (Acts 2:44, 45; 4:32-37).

Couples often complain that their conversation has become superficial. There is nothing much to talk or discuss. Unlike their courtship day where they talked incessantly about their ideas, convictions and feelings, now they hardly talk or share their feeling and thought.

Let me encourage you to take time to talk about godly things (Philippians 4:8). There can be no higher thoughts than those about God. Taking time for talk of spiritual things will elevate your level of spirituality. And this will result in spiritual likemindedness.

Being married for 21 years, I am still learning to have a healthy, vibrant and God-honouring marriage. Here are some tips to a successful, God-honouring marriage.

1. Put God first!

2. Pray together!

3. Respect and honor each other!

4. Encourage each other to grow together!

5. Read the Bible together as much as possible!

6. Be quick to hear and slow to speak!

7. Protect and honor your marriage vows!

8. Do not let others come between your marriage!

9. Love your mate everyday!

10. Thank God everyday for your mate and the life you have together!