Life Church is filled with young people. These young people are of another generation – The ‘Y’ Generation. This generation of youths, born between 1981 and 1995, is very different from us who belong to the eras of the 50s, 60s and 70s. Some people do not believe in generation gaps. I do. The generation gap has been a reality for as long as families have been around, but I doubt that it has ever been as wide as it is today. The unprecedented pace of technological, political, social, economic and cultural change has created a world for our teenaged children that is remarkably dissimilar from that in which our parents raised their children. Although we share the same planet as them it is as if we have grown up in two different worlds. 

As a father of two teenaged children, at times I have difficulty communicating with them. I realized there is a generation gap between us. Sometimes, we do not connect. Though I am unable to close this generation gap, I believe I can improve communication with them and gain more insight into their behaviour by reaching a greater understanding of the defining characteristics of their generation. The generation to which they belong has been called the ‘Y’ Generation.

My purpose of writing is to share some of the main characteristics of the ‘Y’ Generation in the hope that this will deepen your understanding of your teenaged children. 

Communicating with our teenaged children is a great challenge even for the most determined parent. It can be so frustrating. Sometimes it’s tempting just to give up and wait, say, five or ten years, however long it takes until your child decides he or she feels like talking again. But you don’t have to wait that long. With a little thoughtfulness and a lot of determination, parents can communicate well with their teenaged children. And when they do, both parents and children will feel better for it.

The secondary school years are times of tremendous change. When my children entered secondary school, I noticed that a couple of things happen at the same time. Their bodies are changing and their school environment is changing. You see, as parents, we have to recognize what they are going through. They are gawky and awkward, afraid of being embarrassed. They feel as if there is a spotlight and a camera on them all the time. It is intensely painful. So they often try to protect themselves with a false bravado (i.e. a false expression of courage). They walk around in a bubble of cool.

Teenagers may seem uncommunicative to their parents though not necessarily to their peers. In fact, they communicate with their peers all the time, especially on the telephone, through SMS or internet chat. That’s important because their peers help them figure out who they are. For example, they use the phone differently from us adults. We use it to do business, to arrange things, to stay in touch. However, for them, they use it to check things out with their friends. That is why as soon as they come home from a birthday party, they can get on the phone and spend hours talking about what just happened. They just saw each other, but they aren’t keeping in touch. They are figuring things out.

It’s very important in a teenager’s development to do that kind of "reality check" with friends. But it is just as important to communicate with parents. Parents can provide them with a secure, loving haven when they feel unsure of themselves, with solid information, and with good values to help them evaluate the world around them. To do this, parents need to know what the Bible teaches in this respect.

Teenagers want to talk, but they feel reluctant to initiate the conversation. That’s why it is up to the parent to make sure that communication happens. And that requires communication skill.

How to get inside that self-protective "bubble of bravado?"

Here are some suggestions:

1. Ask the right questions. Those are the ones that can’t be answered in one word. Instead of "How was school?" try "What do you think about your history teacher?" or "What did you do today that you were proud of?" Still just one word? Say, "Tell me more."

2. Be approachable. Sometimes your child will bring up things that sound trivial - a detailed description of a movie, for example. No matter what, listen. It may lead to some place else - if not immediately, then later on. A child who feels comfortable talking to his or her parents about small matters is more likely to talk to them about big issues when they come up.

3. Set an example. Talk about your day, then ask about theirs. If you are willing to share your experiences and feelings, you are encouraging your child to share his or hers.

4. Accentuate the positive. It’s almost impossible to exaggerate how sensitive teenagers are. They may feel embarrassed by almost anything - or by nothing at all. Don’t ridicule or minimize their concerns. Take them seriously and let them know you are proud that they have the maturity to discuss their concerns with you.

5. Share a hobby. Exploring a common interest together sets up a natural environment for good conversation. Just make sure it really is a mutual interest, not something you are imposing on your child.

6. Look at baby pictures. Kids love this; they are fascinated by these early images of themselves. And it leads easily to talking about the physical and emotional changes that people go through in their lives (for example, in early adolescence).

7. Talk in the car. The car offers a wonderful combination of privacy and protection - you can’t look at each other. Time alone in the car can let you share information and feelings. If you are not alone, you can also learn a lot about your child’s world by listening to back-seat conversations.

8. Read together. From time to time read the Bible with him or her or any subject that helps open up a conversation. Ask the right questions. Remember, you are not trying to improve your child’s Bible knowledge or English grades. Use it as a means to discuss feelings and ideas.

There is a need to communicate with our teenaged children though there is a generation gap between us. We need to look for ways to get them to talk with us. But more importantly, we need to prepare ourselves to teach them God’s principles of living in this wicked world.

Writing to the church at Ephesus, Paul reminded parents to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4b). To nurture a child spiritually is not an easy task. Parents need to do the following in order to be competent parents for the God-given task of training their children in the way they should go so that when they are old, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

First, they need to feed themselves spiritually (Acts 20:28). Second, they need to know the inerrant and infallible Word which is able to save their souls (2 Timothy 2:15; James 1:21). Third, they must know how to apply the Word in their own lives (James 1:22-25). Fourth, they must know how to use the inerrant, infallible Word of God to help bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).